This is my second blog. You must have read my first blog which I had written six month ago. It was about effective thinking and was explained scientifically. Unlike the earlier blog this is quite simple.
This blog is about parenting. Three years ago I started my journey as father. We got our first child in this world. “Child born” was a wonderful event for us and we (me and my wife) enjoyed almost all the events of bringing up our daughter and cherishing the every moments of her life. Since then we also struggled a lot to teach good habits, language, and behaviour to our kid. The thoughts adumbrated here is to express our learning in our small parenthood stints. Becoming a parent is entirely different than being a parent. For us parenting is the process of promoting and supporting a physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of a child from infancy to the adulthood.
I strongly believe that children learn almost every thing from their parents till the age of three years as they spend most of their time with parents. One of the most important requirements of child rearing is emotional support and the best part of it is every parent knows how to love (the most important emotional ingredients) their kid. But as parents we always thought are we too strict or lenient, are we giving too much or we are sort of something, are our own behaviours are affecting our child. The above are the concern we had as parents and this concern is only to give a healthy, disciplined child to the society.
When I say “disciplined child”, I mean knowledge and skills. It is very different than punishment; “Punishment” is the consequence of an unacceptable behaviour. By incorporating a consistent, positive approach in our discipline techniques we can minimize the need for punishment. Appropriate discipline techniques cannot be learned in seconds, even as adults we are still learning. At times as parents even we commit mistakes, but the key is to be consistent and positive. I always tell my wife that the corrective actions are to be thought carefully before we enunciate it to our kids for e.g.
Do Say: Do not thro things in the house it can hurt someone.
Don't Say: Stop rough-housing.
Do Say: Your clothes are dirty because you did not eat properly. I'll show you how to wash them.
Don't Say: You do not know how to eat. If continue eating like this I will not give you food next time.
Do Say: Use a quiet voice inside the restaurant.
Don't Say: Act right.
Do Say: if you do not eat, you will feel hungry later
Don’t say: if you do not eat, I will not feed you and keep you entire day hungry
By changing our attitude towards our kids we are actually encourage and reinforce the positive behaviours to our kids. One of the things needs to be taken care is we always have to make our child understand that we dislike the behaviour not him/her. This attitude does not start once your kid is young; actually this needs to be practiced and administrated from his/her infancy.
The first thing what parents gives to the child after birth is safe environment. For infants, safety is the most important concern. I remember attending a session on effective parenting by a professional; it was augmented in verbiage that never hit a kid at any circumstances. They will learn your displeasure when your firm voice is accompanied by holding their hands. Older infants and toddlers need a structured environment for learning disciplines. We also need to ignore our toddler on occasions; we should not reward attention seeking behaviour like tantrums. But we must limit problem behaviour such as biting or hitting. Praise for a good job is of the utmost importance for a toddler and older infant.
This blog is about parenting. Three years ago I started my journey as father. We got our first child in this world. “Child born” was a wonderful event for us and we (me and my wife) enjoyed almost all the events of bringing up our daughter and cherishing the every moments of her life. Since then we also struggled a lot to teach good habits, language, and behaviour to our kid. The thoughts adumbrated here is to express our learning in our small parenthood stints. Becoming a parent is entirely different than being a parent. For us parenting is the process of promoting and supporting a physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of a child from infancy to the adulthood.
I strongly believe that children learn almost every thing from their parents till the age of three years as they spend most of their time with parents. One of the most important requirements of child rearing is emotional support and the best part of it is every parent knows how to love (the most important emotional ingredients) their kid. But as parents we always thought are we too strict or lenient, are we giving too much or we are sort of something, are our own behaviours are affecting our child. The above are the concern we had as parents and this concern is only to give a healthy, disciplined child to the society.
When I say “disciplined child”, I mean knowledge and skills. It is very different than punishment; “Punishment” is the consequence of an unacceptable behaviour. By incorporating a consistent, positive approach in our discipline techniques we can minimize the need for punishment. Appropriate discipline techniques cannot be learned in seconds, even as adults we are still learning. At times as parents even we commit mistakes, but the key is to be consistent and positive. I always tell my wife that the corrective actions are to be thought carefully before we enunciate it to our kids for e.g.
Do Say: Do not thro things in the house it can hurt someone.
Don't Say: Stop rough-housing.
Do Say: Your clothes are dirty because you did not eat properly. I'll show you how to wash them.
Don't Say: You do not know how to eat. If continue eating like this I will not give you food next time.
Do Say: Use a quiet voice inside the restaurant.
Don't Say: Act right.
Do Say: if you do not eat, you will feel hungry later
Don’t say: if you do not eat, I will not feed you and keep you entire day hungry
By changing our attitude towards our kids we are actually encourage and reinforce the positive behaviours to our kids. One of the things needs to be taken care is we always have to make our child understand that we dislike the behaviour not him/her. This attitude does not start once your kid is young; actually this needs to be practiced and administrated from his/her infancy.
The first thing what parents gives to the child after birth is safe environment. For infants, safety is the most important concern. I remember attending a session on effective parenting by a professional; it was augmented in verbiage that never hit a kid at any circumstances. They will learn your displeasure when your firm voice is accompanied by holding their hands. Older infants and toddlers need a structured environment for learning disciplines. We also need to ignore our toddler on occasions; we should not reward attention seeking behaviour like tantrums. But we must limit problem behaviour such as biting or hitting. Praise for a good job is of the utmost importance for a toddler and older infant.
Kindergarteners need parents with unbelievable patience, fortitude and stamina. As a parent of a preschooler we need to be clear and consistent with rules and expectations and we must repeat them often. We will need to acknowledge their complaints or actions and give them explanations on why it is or is not done said or behave a certain way. In cases there will be a need for removal now and talk later. If a child is hitting sibling, it will be best to remove the child from the situation to a quiet physical isolation, followed with an explanation. This will help defuse a situation, give a message, and teach about consequences. Praise your toddler when they are doing a good job and when they have learned something
School age children are barely a step above preschoolers they also need the same as preschoolers and opportunities to explain and express themselves. Give your child a chance to work at a problem that affects them, with a solution that is agreed upon by the child and you as their parent This is the most important stage for parents, at this stage the parents has to be more patient and protect the child from all outside behaviour encroachments but in all this the parent should always boost the confidence to the kids by praising the good of the child. At this stage children are most receptive and responsive, we as parents have to be more careful on the words we speak, the tone of voice (loud, soft, harsh, widespread etc), gestures, facial expressions, body languages etc.
Adolescents will continue the limit testing that they started as infants. Even the best discipline system will be tested during adolescence. When disciplining adolescents they need a continual program, keep they same discipline techniques as when they were younger, but you will need to lengthen discussions. They need discussions on the long-term consequences of today’s behaviour. It will be much easier to have limit settings that is agreed on rather than imposed arbitrarily, although the parents must ultimately establish the limit boundary. You will need to set limits that increase according to your child’s maturity and the ability to choose wisely.
I pray that we become good parents and give a healthy and disciplined child to the society and make it better.
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